"Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples."

"This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two."

"The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and have the two as close together as possible."

"Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair."

"The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible."

"If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age."

"The follies which a man regrets most, in his life, are those which he didn't commit when he had the opportunity."

"It may not be that the race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong - but that is the way to bet."

"Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry."

"WEAKNESSES, n.pl. Certain primal powers of Tyrant Woman wherewith she holds dominion over the male of her species, binding him to the service of her will and paralyzing his rebellious energies."

"The power of man has grown in every sphere, except over himself."

"DRAMATIST, n. One who adapts plays from the French."