"When I have a kid, I wanna put him in one of those strollers for twins, then run around the mall looking frantic."

"Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish."

"I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out."

"My girlfriend sleeps in a queen-sized bed and I sleep in a court jester-sized bed."

"Today I met with a subliminal advertising executive for just a second."

"If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?"

"Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say that what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down."

"The supreme accomplishment is to blur the line between work and play."

"Pleasure is an important component of the quality of life, but by itself it does not bring happiness. Pleasure helps to maintain order, but by itself cannot create a new order in consciousness."

"Anybody who believes that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach flunked geography."

"ENVELOPE, n. The coffin of a document; the scabbard of a bill; the husk of a remittance; the bed-gown of a love-letter."

"Ah, sweet pity. Where would my love life be without it?"